The end of September 2005 was going to be just any other doctor visit. Everything was going fine and was looking forward to a due date in Feb. 2006. We went through the normal motions and afterward, my dear doctor who has delivered all of my children, sat Michael and I down to discuss the results of a blood test that we had taken the previous week. He had never had this talk with me before all I heard was Trisomy 18 and the word "fatal." I smiled and nodded and smiled some more. That was that. Nothing more.
On the way home, I don't remember having any conversation between Michael and I. I remember calling my mom. However, I don't remember what was said. I remember going to my mother-in-law's to pick up the other children and telling her what was going on. But, I don't remember much else. I do remember her having to tell me point blank that fatal meant "death." I wasn't thinking. I just remember nodding.
It really didn't hit me until later that night what they doctor was saying. Our baby tested 85% positive for Trisomy 18, and it very well could be fatal. Geesh, I didn't even know what Trisomy 18 was. So, I Googled it like most normal people would. Then it hit me. My baby would probably not make it out of the womb alive, and if she did, it would be for only a short time. She would have deformed hands and feet. My baby....that I already loved SO much...I would be losing. And that is how I felt for the entire pregnancy.
I did so much research on Trisomy 18 to prepare myself for the worst. Even when we had an ultrasound done and it showed that our little baby had a perfect looking heart. Her hands and feet were perfect too. I still didn't believe that our baby would make it. I found parents on the internet who lost their babies to Trisomy 18 who had perfect looking ultrasounds. I was mad at God. In fact, I even cried out that I hated Him for what He was doing to me. How dare He take away MY baby?
I just wanted to be excited to have this baby. I really wanted to, but my logical side was telling me that it wouldn't be wise to do so. Eventually, I did let go of it. Right before we had her I was able to start buying necessary things for her. The more and more we went to the doctor, the more I could HEAR that heart beat...and it sounded good!
I remember laying on the operating table and looking to Michael for an answer and the look on his face was the way I felt inside....panicked. But, then she cried. The anesthesiologist patted the top of my head and said, "She sounds like a little lamb." And finally...I could see, that she was indeed perfect. My perfect Hannah Diane.
You know, I don't understand God and how He works sometimes. However, I have realized that this was definitely the turning point in my life. Not saying that I have lived a perfect life since the birth of Hannah. What I am saying is that this was the point when I knew that God was trying to get my attention. It was the point when I realized that God wanted me back. It didn't matter what I didn't do before, or what I did....HE WANTED ME. He was with me when I yelled at Him. He was with me when I hated Him. He continued to use my child to bring me back to Him...which is where I needed to be. He showered me with love on February 27, 2006 with a beautiful, 100% healthy baby....God showed me that HE works miracles in people's lives; even mine. My Hannah IS a miracle from God. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't thank him for all of the blessings that He has given to me. And my Baby Hannah is just one of them.
Don't know what Trisomy 18 is? Here is a link:
http://www.trisomy18.org/site/PageServer
Today, Hannah is now SEVEN years old!! She is still a sweet little thing, but has grown into quite the sassy pants in the last year! Still has the beautiful long brown hair, and the China baby face. Hannah is excelling at school and is reading at an early 4th grade level. She is really into One Direction right now, especially Liam! How blessed we are to have our sweet, compassionate, often clumsy Hannah Diane!
Amy you left facebook without saying goodbye. I never got your e-mail address so we can stay in touch. So here is mine. theatron52623@gmail.com. Send me a e-mail so I can save your e-mail address and we can chat every once in a while. Take care my friend and God Bless.
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