Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Grown ups or children?

    I have been feeling the need to write something lately concerning "big people" friendships and the word "judgment" being tossed around too much.

     We all have adult friendships and as Christians we should strive for healthy friendships that build us up and bring us closer to Christ.  Do you have friends like that?  If you do,  you are truly blessed! But do you know it?

     It just seems to me that whenever anyone makes a comment, suggestion, or generally states a fact that they get accused of being "judgmental."   However, before you jump on the "you don't know me or what I have been through" bandwagon, have you ever considered why you feel that person is being what you deem judgmental?   Could it indeed be because you know what you are doing is indeed wrong but you want to blame anyone but yourself? It is easier that way, isn't it?

    Jesus says in Matthew 7~  "Do not judge others, and you will no be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged. And why worry about a speck in your friend's eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, ' Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,' when you can't see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend's eye." 

     So this scripture is used by Christians and non-Christians alike when they feel like they are being judged. "OOH, so and so said this about me, and she shouldn't judge me because she isn't perfect...blah, blah, blah."  However, this scripture is hardly used properly.  Jesus is not at all laying down a blanket statement against all critical thinking.  A few verses later in chapter 7, Jesus says to speak out against false teachers.

   What Jesus is saying is that you need to  check yourself, examine your heart BEFORE calling someone else out on something they are doing wrong. Many times, when we speak up against an activity that someone is doing, we ourselves, are doing the same thing.  After prayer, consideration, and self examination, if you feel that your heart and motives are in the right place, then it is your responsibility to forgive your friend and love them by helping them.

    An example? Let's say my good friend Tiger is cheating on his wife. I know about it, I know it is wrong. So, I decide to say something to him about how cheating is wrong, how he will hurt his wife and kids, and will ultimately pay the price on judgment day....THEN, after my talk with Tiger, I go home to look at pornography on my computer.  Is that right? No way.  I didn't examine my own sin of pornography, seek help, etc. before speaking with Tiger. I judged him before taking care of my own sin.  I had not place in assisting Tiger, when I was pretty much doing the same thing. 

     (disclaimer: I do not have a porno addiction and I do not know anyone named Tiger personally, it was used as an example.)

      So all of that said, have you recently judged someone?  When you judge someone for judging you...what are you doing in return? Are you judging them in return? Are you gossiping about it? Are you creating a rift in your church family where there should be none?  Are you making the issue at hand worse? 

   So, we all sin, right? Well....we DO.   What does the Bible say we are to do when there is a Christian that has fallen? There are definite instructions on what to do.  Matthew 18 tells us that we are to privately speak to that person about what is going on. We are not to talk bad of them behind their back, we are not to ignore their presence, we are not supposed to church hop until we feel "happy."  What will that solve? How will things get better when they are just gossiped about, ignored, or left?  God was very specific in what to do when disagreements arise in His church. 

    When you don't want to be judged or feel like you are being judged, why is it that in return, you do the same thing back? What does that make you? 

    So, I say this~  Read Matthew 7 again. Read anything you can find on what God says about judging, love, forgiveness, gossip, prayer, hypocrites.  Open up God's may be surprised at what you find out about yourself...rather than others!

     I just feel that so many people, especially woman, are being very goofy with their emotions. Everything annoys, offends, is judgmental, and seems to cause an uproar. When I type this out, I am looking at the mirror at my own actions just as much as hoping and praying that you will consider yours. 


  1. well said.
    i usually find that most folks that quickly cry out " you are judging me" are those that are so defined by the fruit of their sin, they are blind to it entirely.

    We often in Christian "circles" toss out the Matthew 7 passage as a deflection to biblicly manipulate people into leaving us alone in our sin.

    Sometimes, the loving thing to do it call a sin a sin. Not judging a person's heart. Just stating that a sin is indeed a sin, and should be addressed. We shouldn't just spin and leave the person after we talk about their sin, but pray, seek God with them.... and direct them to HELP. We should never confront people from a shoot and run mentality. We are a family, we need to show some love.

    I agree that if we all took a bit more personal responsibility, we would begin to see being approached by a brother or sister, as a loving rebuke and not become so defensive.

  2. I entirely agree. Calling sin as it is - sin - is not judgement. And so often those who are "feeling judged" simply mistake what they are feeling for judgement when actually it is conviction. There's a difference! Very well stated post, and well stated previous comment as well. Thank you!